Family gatherings are notorious for emotional stress. Unresolved emotional issues erupt over little things; memories of past holidays return often accompanied by unfulfilled expectations. There is also happy stress connected with the excitement of getting everything done to get ready on time for the parties and gatherings. With so many expectations, the fear of failure can be underneath emotional outbursts. Control is a defense that is often used to maintain some degree of balance or to feel safe. The most common expression of stress or negative emotions in general, is anger.
We have all experienced anger, someone else's anger expressed at us, as well as our own anger – both expressed and internalized. It doesn't take long to experience the negative repercussions of expressing anger and science has documented internalized anger as the dominant emotion linked to cancer.
Now, if you are not going to express your anger, and you are not going to internalize it, what are you going to do? The Adrenal body type is notorious for suppressing their anger and irritations until they can no longer keep the lid on them; eventually the mass becomes too large and some little thing will trigger a violent explosion. Fortunately for Adrenals, once they express their anger, they are clear and start over as if nothing has happened. Unfortunately, the more sensitive types around them carry the burden of the emotional fallout. This obviously is not a viable solution. So, what are your options?
Emotions have two sides, often referred to as negative and positive. Most of us are very aware of the negative side of an emotion, but rarely do we know the positive side - let alone how to access it. While anger is generally categorized as negative, it can also have positive results. The challenge is in understanding the message of the event, determining the goal, lesson or desired outcome of the experience, and then acting on it. The easiest way to begin is to identify the emotions you are feeling, which are usually expressed in the negative polarity. Let's explore anger. What is the positive side of anger? To access the positive side, we need to understand what causes anger in the first place. We all know that road rage (extreme anger) is triggered by traffic jams; so what are your options when you are presented with a problem, i.e., the road you are traveling is blocked? You can go over it, under it, around it, or through it, and if you don't know what to do, you can sit and wait while the energy continues to build. Eventually the pressure becomes so great that something has to give. When an explosion of energy is expressed negatively, it is anger, when expressed positively, it is laughter.
Now that we have acknowledged and felt both sides of the emotion, the next step is to understand what caused it. What is this experience trying to tell me? What do I need to learn, be aware of, or change?
The way out of a negative emotional state is to access our spiritual side - ask for help - meditate - breathe - get above the situation - look at it from a higher perspective. This is where affirmations (positive statements that affirm or state what you want to attract) are most valuable. The "way out" of anger is "My direction is clear."
Have you ever noticed that in spite of your best intentions you keep reacting the same way to certain people or situations? Like a conditioned response? According to acupuncture tradition, which is over 5,000 years old, the emotions are stored in the body and anger is stored in the liver. The Egyptians used essential oils to clear emotional patterns because smells access the limbic system of the brain where emotional trauma is stored. Essential oils are the life blood of the plant; they increase oxygen into the tissues and hold a high vibrational frequency corresponding to the positive emotion. The essential oils are applied to the acupuncture alarm points on the body, hands or feet, and the emotional points on the forehead. These are the two bumps directly above the eyes (frontal eminences) that we intuitively contact when we put our head in our hands when we are stressed.
Connect with the feeling of anger, then feel laughter. If you have difficulty feeling laughter, think of a time when you felt laughter, or imagine what laughter would be like. Place a drop of the essential oil blend, Purification, in your non-dominant hand and stir it clockwise three (3) times with the index finger of your dominant hand. Touch the emotional points on the forehead and the liver alarm point with the essential oil Purification. The liver body alarm points are located on the nipples, or you can use the hand points which are in the center of each palm, in line with the little finger and wrist. (See Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils for a visual illustration and more detailed information.) Smell the essential oil, and say the statement, "My direction is clear." Repeat whenever the thought of the situation arises, you find yourself - or anyone else - angry, and at night before you go to sleep. Using this clearing process before you go to sleep allows your subconscious to release these patterns in the dream state. Most of the essential oils are used for more than one emotion. The essential oil, Purification, is also used for rejection, fear of seeing something you don't want to acknowledge, violence, being alone, and negative or erroneous thoughts. It's obvious how related these emotions are. Many times, the associated emotions need to be addressed before the central emotional response can be changed. You can also add different oils for related emotions.
Perhaps you have a child or spouse, who thinks all this "oil stuff" is nonsense, yet they have not yet learned to positively deal with their anger and have no problem expressing their anger towards you. Say, "I'm feeling anger and I choose to shift into laughter." Smell Purification, place the oil on yourself and ask, "Would you like some?" If they say yes, let them smell it, and place the oil on them or let them do it. Then say the statement, "My direction is clear." If they refuse, simply treat yourself. If appropriate, you can place the oil on your hand and take their hand, contacting the hand liver point and possibly placing your hand on their forehead. Even if you are not able to touch them, you will affect them simply by placing the oil on yourself.
Massaging a person's hands or feet offers a great opportunity to subtly use the oils. The liver body alarm points could be fun to apply to a spouse, especially when done liver to liver.
Have you ever heard someone say, "As long as I'm in control, things go well?" Obviously we need to take personal responsibility, but what happens when you find you can no longer do everything yourself, or when someone else wants something different from what you want?
Control is something all of us do to feel safe; it's just that we have different ways of controlling. Some people control by controlling other people, others by controlling their environment, commonly referred to as "walking on eggshells", and others by controlling themselves. We usually have a primary and a secondary control mechanism. It's easy to see how conflict can arise when you have two people who each control by controlling other people, or even when you have one person who controls by controlling others while the other one controls by controlling themselves. While control is a common coping strategy, and can have positive benefits, it is fear-based. Emotions can be divided into two categories - Love and Fear. All negative emotions are fear- based, while all positive emotions are love-based. Humanity's goal, as a society, is to become love-based. This is what it takes to truly have "Peace on Earth."
The negative expressions of control are the fear of losing control and the fear of being controlled. The opposite of control is not being out of control, but balance. The transitional statement or affirmation is "I am content and blessed." The essential oil is Peace and Calming. Control is stored in the stomach. The stomach alarm point is on both sides of the sternum in the middle of the chest; the hand stomach point is in the center of the palm.
Peace and Calming is an excellent oil to use to calm screaming children, reduce the tension when children are upset because their parents are arguing, as well as, a clean fresh fragrance to lighten an area.
One of my patients said she was having difficulty being around her brother. When I asked her why, she said he was always criticizing her. I asked her what was motivating him, "Was it anger, frustration, or his just wanting her attention?" (People who are difficult to be around are usually crying for help, but don't know how to ask.) She wasn't quite sure; I then asked her, "What is his body type?" She said, "He's a Skin." A core emotional issue for the Skin body type is criticism. The area of the body where criticism is stored is the skin. The other side of criticism is unconditional love and acceptance, which is an essential lesson Skin types are here to learn. The bridge is "I receive" and the essential oil is Lavender. Another major issue for Skin types is abandonment, for which Lavender is also used. Even if he is not receptive, putting the oils on yourself will affect him when he is in your energy field. Whether we are aware of it or not, family members have made an unconscious agreement to help other family members learn about their core issues. This is why they always seem to push our buttons and know how to do it like no one else.
I then asked her, "What are the related emotions? Does he feel like a victim, always crying, 'Poor Me'. Does he tear you down because you have done something with your life?" When this is the case, use Peace & Calming. Apply the essential oil to the nerve point on the top of the shoulders. The other side of being a victim is being self-responsible, and the way to get there is "I am real." Being real enables you to set realistic goals for yourself. Knowing your body type allows you to focus on your "At Best" and pick a field where you naturally excel.
The essential oils that are used most commonly in dealing with conflict are found in the Peaceful Warrior Kit. This is a soft fabric travel pack containing twelve 5/8 dram bottles. The essential oils and some of their related emotions are:
How wonderful to have a tool that facilitates me shifting from "fixed" to "fluid and open" within seconds! Being adaptable to the moment is one of the major keys to creating what we want in life. I now have an Adaptability clay diffuser on my desk at my private office where it continually diffuses naturally into the air. Also, because I drive a lot, I keep the one ounce spray in my quick remedy travel bag.
Nedrra L., President, YATO Enterprise